Thursday, June 19, 2014

The Story Behind the Story (Beautiful Me)…

It all started about ten years ago. I was sitting on my couch in the afternoon watching a TV program. It’s not on anymore, but maybe you’ve heard of it…The Oprah Winfrey Show.

The topic of the day was self-esteem and girls or maybe it was body image and girls. I don’t remember exactly, but I do remember a number of celebrity guests on the show discussing girls and body image.
Ten years ago, I wasn’t a mommy yet, but the issues being discussed were still relevant and important to me. Especially if I did have a daughter someday, because I would want to make sure that I was using all the strategies I could to help her build a strong self-image.
I wasn’t completely out of touch with the topic, though, because I was teaching kindergarten and witnessed young girls that passed through my doorway struggle with self-confidence…and they were just five and six-year-olds.
I found myself agreeing with the arguments being presented about how the media gives our young women a false sense of beauty and that our nation of young girls are suffering poor self-esteem. Then, one celebrity looked into the camera and with her perfectly red glossed lips said, “It’s not what you look like on the outside, but what’s on the inside that counts…” (This might not be a direct quote, but it is a very close approximation to what I remember hearing). In that moment, I was hit with the thought that I—as a full grown and mature woman—understood what she was saying, but would a young child understand? If I were trying to communicate to a young one that she was beautiful because of what’s on the inside, would she get it?
My early childhood education brain said to me, “No, she wouldn’t.” A young child’s concrete-thinking mind would need less of an abstract explanation than, “…it’s what’s on the inside that matters…”, especially when she’s being inundated with media and fairytale stories that illustrate beauty with such a strong connection to outward appearances…the beautiful gowns, the fancy hair-do’s, the pink lips and delicate fingers, etc.
So, with a sudden sense of immediacy I reached for a pen and paper to scribe the first words of Beautiful Me, which I think has had several different titles since its conception.
At the time, I did not consider myself a writer and had no idea what to do with the words I had written. But I felt inspired by the act of writing and tried my hand at a couple other manuscripts. Life changes quickly came along and put Beautiful Me as well as all other writing aspirations on hold. All my pages went into a drawer.
I finally got around to thinking about publishing the book after my first daughter was born. I started to research publishers and agents and found very few that published anything like what I was proposing, but I still wanted to give it a try so I sent out a couple of queries. I got one rejection back and another non-responder. So, Beautiful Me hit the drawer again.
Self-doubt swarmed over me. Who was I to write some words that might help young girls understand inner beauty? Maybe the idea wasn’t as good as I thought it was. I let self-doubt’s strong hold take over as more life changes happened, including the birth of our second daughter.
I soon realized with two young girls growing and looking to me as a mentor that I needed to start living my life as an example. And I would never want them to see me as someone who gave up easily or refused to follow my passions. What was my passion again? These early years of motherhood can cause a woman to forget about her passions, because she is so absorbed with caring for precious new babies, but I kept searching for what to do and at every turn, I came back to writing. I still had no idea what to do with Beautiful Me, so I jumped into writing novels (I still have no idea why writing a whole new 70,000 word manuscript seemed like a better idea than working out the wrinkles of a 250 word manuscript, but I’ve learned to not always question my instincts and to just go with them.)
Writing and completing my novels were huge accomplishments and now after self-publishing both of them, I have moved into a position where I’m ready to re-examine my children’s book. I’m not only ready to push this book through now because of my publishing experience, but also because as my husband and I raise our girls we continue to find ourselves coming back to the foundational elements of this book as we talk to our girls about their inner beauty.
The whole book and process has come full circle for me as my little loves took on their own roles as creators in this project. Something powerful happened while we sat and talked about the words on the page and as I listened to them talk out how to illustrate a picture that matched. It was amazing for me to see and feel their interpretation of inner beauty. Now, more than ever, I want to share this experience with others.
There is nothing like Beautiful Me on the bookshelves. Good sign or bad sign? I don’t know.
Most books don’t start targeting inner beauty for girls until the teen or ‘tween ages. And so, I have to ask why aren’t we starting to talk about inner beauty sooner? If we start sending the message to girls earlier rather than later that their actions define them more than their appearance, then maybe, just maybe when they hit those tumultuous teen years they’ll be better armed with a stronger self-esteem. Maybe?
I believe it is worth a try…
By no means am I trying to suggest that if you simply read this book to a young girl you will combat a low self-esteem later. I wish I could promise that, but there are so many factors that can and will affect a girl’s image of her body as she grows. I only hope that Beautiful Me is one tool people will use to open up the conversation about loving the goodness and kindness inside one’s heart.
Release date for Beautiful Me is set for July….stay tuned for more updates!

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